also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
