Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
