Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
