my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
