When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
