Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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