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so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
