I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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