k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you never un-have a 4some
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
