btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
