i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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