you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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