every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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