My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
