Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
