i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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