he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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