He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
