oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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