the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
