How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
