You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
