I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
