Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
