Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
