hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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