i was born a porn star she said
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
