So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
