90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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