Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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