Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
