a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
