My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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