you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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