I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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