You can't motorboat a personality
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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