he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
