I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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