I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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