my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
