just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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