when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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