I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
