she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
