remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
