She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
