he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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