just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
