i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
