**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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