this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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