I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
